She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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