There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
