i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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