I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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