He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
