can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
