i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
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hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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