I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
