guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
