He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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