We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
