i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize