So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
