they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
