Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
