did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
