You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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