how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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