not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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