I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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