Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
