Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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