After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
