just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
