I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
