Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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