I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
