New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Boobs are out for the taking
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
