Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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