My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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