Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
