I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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