We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
