what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
