allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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