I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
