Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
