Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
