you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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