'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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