you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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