Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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