Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
