if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
