They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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