he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
God, I missed his penis.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
