My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
