Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
