Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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