i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
