I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
