I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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