Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think I have vodka in my lungs
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
