You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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