waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
