We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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