the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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