Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
