I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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