Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
