just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
