why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
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Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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