I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
