She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
