I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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