so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
