my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
