Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
